Yep, right out of the trash…
A couple of years ago, I was reading the Huffington Post and saw my client Susan’s photos all over page one. I knew she was successful, but I never really understood HOW much of a big shot she was.
Weeks before, she sat in my office telling me there was no way in hell she was going to put her photo on an online dating site! She had a high profile job in DC. She was a public figure. She had a reputation!
You know what I told her?
“Get over yourself!” Seriously, that’s exactly what I said.
I said, “Susan, you’re paying me a lot of money to teach you how to find love. You’ve told me falling in love is priority number one. Why on EARTH wouldn’t you use the most effective dating tool around?”
“First of all, I’m not going to meet any high caliber men online. The kind of men I want to meet aren’t on those sites! And I don’t want my colleagues seeing me on a site like THAT – I’d be so embarrassed.”
I’d heard enough. I said, Susan…
“There’s no better place to find lots of quality men (especially when you’re over 50 – which she was)! Do you want to hang out at nightclubs and happy hours? Do you want to pick up men at work on Capitol Hill? Where are you going to meet age appropriate single men? If finding love is what you want, you need to suck it up and get ONLINE!
And if your colleagues see you on Match, they’ll think, Wow, she looks AMAZING!
Plus if they see your profile, they’re dating online too! They already know you’re single, so what’s the big freaking deal?”
I told her I’ve taught therapists, teachers, doctors and CEOs how to date online, and most found love.
I kind of INSISTED.
So, she grudgingly acquiesced, and I got to work taking her photos and writing her profile essay. I was excited for her to see how fun online dating could be!
Two weeks later (ironically the same day she was on the cover of Huffington Post), her profile was up. It was sensational, of course. So much so that she received over 200 emails in one weekend!
But on our next coaching call, when I logged into her Match.com inbox, it was EMPTY!
Where did all the emails go, I asked?
Susan said, “There wasn’t anyone I was excited about in my inbox, just a bunch of junk – I deleted them all”.
WHAT?!!!! All I could think was, Thank goodness she hasn’t emptied her trash bin.
It was time to give Susan an education (and a good talking to).
“Susan, the men who emailed you are not ‘junk’, they’re HUMAN BEINGS who took the time to reach out to you because they thought you were great. And you can’t always tell how wonderful a man is by looking at his profile. These guys might not all be what you’re looking for, but we’re going to start over and look for the positive qualities in each person. And we’re going to give this a real shot.
I returned most of the emails to her inbox and then selected five men who I thought were a good fit (I’m a matchmaker, after all). And we responded to those five emails together.
Fast forward two months…
Guess who Susan was in love with. One of those five guys!
And a few months later, they were talking about marriage!
That wasn’t the first or the last time that I’ve pulled a boyfriend (or husband) out of the trash. Sometimes a small shift in perspective (and a helpful dating coach) can make all the difference.
If you’re frustrated with online dating and aren’t getting the results you want, you might want to be a little more careful about who you throw away.
And if you haven’t tried online dating, why not give it a shot? It does take time, consistency and courage, but LOVE is so worth it!