Have you ever been in an on-again, off-again relationship where you and your boyfriend experienced tons of drama – regularly fighting and then enduring prolonged periods of icy silence? Did you break up over and over again but then keep getting back together in hopes of making it work? And did all that drama go on for months or even years wasting valuable time and so much energy that you felt exhausted (or even lost faith in love)? You knew the situation wasn’t healthy, but you stayed because you really loved him, right?
I know how terrible that feels, because I went through something similar myself many years ago (before meeting my wonderful husband), and it’s so painful!
How can you avoid drama-filled relationships?
In my experience as a matchmaker and dating coach, I’ve learned that there’s NOTHING more important when searching for a partner than finding someone who’s emotionally healthy and who has high self-esteem. I’ve found that drama-filled relationships typically have at least one partner who struggles with low self-esteem. On the contrary, when two emotionally healthy, happy people aren’t compatible, they usually just go their separate ways without all the chaos. Which is a lot less painful and confusing!
So when you’re looking for love, it’s REALLY important to know how to spot low self-esteem early on. Because I believe a man can’t fully love you if he doesn’t love himself.
Here are eight signs that the man you’re dating may have low self-esteem…and that you may need to move on:
- He says self-deprecating things. Being humble is one thing, but putting yourself down constantly is another. He says things like, “I can’t believe you’d date someone like me” or “You’re out of my league”.
- He criticizes you. A healthy man dates women he genuinely likes. If you’re not what he’s looking for, he’ll just move on. If the guy you’re dating constantly criticizes you (from your looks to your personality), that’s a really bad sign.
- He’s just a little too perfect. Does he have the perfect house, the perfect car, the perfect clothes, the perfect job and the perfect friends? People who feel the need to appear perfect could be convincing not only others, but also themselves, that they have value
- He’s super negative. Happy people see the best in others and in every situation. If he’s constantly pointing out what’s wrong instead of what’s right, pay close attention
- He’s jealous. Is he constantly jealous, uncomfortable with your male friends or does he unjustifiably accuse you of flirting? A confident, healthy man has faith in you and your relationship
- He wants you all to himself. Your friends are important to you and being with them makes you happy. If he doesn’t want you to spend time with them, and he doesn’t want to get to know them, that’s a problem
- He can’t admit when he’s wrong. Being vulnerable is an important part of being in a relationship. If he’s always blaming others and can’t look inward and admit when he’s made a mistake, that’s a big red flag
- He can’t hear what you’re saying. This is the BIGGEST give-away in my opinion. Did you know that some people hear what they believe instead of what you’re actually saying? Does he often take what you’re saying the wrong way? Are his feelings always getting hurt? Is he easily offended? If you have to rehearse before you talk or need to walk on eggshells, yikes – your partner may have low self-esteem. Communication shouldn’t be so hard!
If you want an easy, healthy relationship this time around, find a guy with high self-esteem and you’ll enjoy a relationship that is SO much easier and more rewarding.
I’m not saying you should dump him if he lacks self-confidence from time to time (we all have our insecurities). But if his low self-esteem is affecting your happiness on a regular basis, it’s time to MOVE ON.
Because life’s too short to subject yourself to all the drama, don’t you agree?